Help Me
by kaminoko-x
Summary: Would you grant me your strength? Would you lend me your power? Would you give me aid in my time of need? On how each Innocence responds to their wielder. /spoilers 208 /chapter five: Miranda
1. Dark Boots

Disclaimer: I do not own D Grayman.

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_I. Help me to protect._

She has been protected quite often. At first, it was her brother, and then in the Order, it was her comrades- Lavi, Kanda, Allen, the Finders, and more. They protected her because she was a girl, because they instinctively wanted keep her sweet smiles and happy self safe.

But she's not weak. People often forget, but there was a time in between where her brother couldn't do a thing, and her friends hadn't become her friends yet. She had been put on the front lines.

She learned strength then. She learned how to stand her ground. She learned to fight. And she gained resolve. She wasn't helpless anymore, she could protect.

And she decided that she would protect her brother, who sacrificed his future for her, and she would protect innocent people, who didn't deserve to die, and she would protect her friends, who fought for her. She would protect everyone.

But now, her Innocence won't synch and she doesn't know what's wrong and she's so helpless and has to be protected _again_, and she hates it, hates it, hates it.

And the Level 4 akuma attacks and Allen's fighting but he's too injured to battle now and Lavi and Kanda don't have their weapons, and it's killing people and that's _her_ job to fight it, to save people. And it could kill her, but she _has_ to synch with her Innocence, or else her brother and everyone who supported her will die. She must do this, for the sake of everyone.

The Innocence senses her determination, and melts.

"_Innocence…"_

It hurts, it hurts so much, her feet and legs and ankles are bleeding, and so much pain, they're on fire- they're _burning_-

"_My resolve... have you accepted it?"_

She will always protect her friends and what little is left of her family. That is her life, her purpose, her reason to exist, and the Innocence knows it.

Scarlet blood swirls up and crystallizes into Dark Boots.

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AN: Yay! First part done, next chap will probably be Chaoji ['_Help me to be strong_'].

I really wanted to write epic- Lenalee after reading chapter 154, because she goes from happy-smiley girl to you-dared-to-hurt-my-friends warrior and starts owning like a boss. Yeah.


	2. Arm of Baptism

Disclaimer: I do not own

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_II. Help me to be strong._

It was never him who was 'strong'. It was always the Exorcists, and he's always been backing them up, always looking up to them and wondering what it was like to be 'strong'.

_("Sir, you are so cool!" he, at 8 years old, yells at a man in a black uniform after the stranger destroys the monsters. "I wanna be just like you!")_

After Anita-sama and the crew are gone, he accompanies the Exorcists to the Ark. It is his fate to keep supporting them, after all.

And then Lenalee's choking and Lavi and Allen are so badly beaten up. He's the only one there but he's still so weak- what difference can he make?

But he must try, for isn't that his duty? And aren't the crew and Mahojou-sama and Anita-sama by his side?

So he throws himself forward, and then dives toward her as the Ark crumbles under his feet and he prays that his life will not be sacrificed in vain, that Lenalee will live though he dies, that his comrades would win this war.

Inside though, beneath the knowledge that he will not survive, his heart whispers a near-silent prayer that he will be strong enough to live.

And both God and Innocence answer him, as glowing beams of light gather around his hands and grant him strength and a hammer and sword leap out to block the Noah's attack.

As Lavi and Allen charge toward Tyki Mikk, he takes a deep breath and grins.

Because although he was unable to defend against that powerful attack and he's still weak like a child that has barely begun to crawl, he knows he has just become stronger now.

And he decides, in that moment, to continue becoming stronger and to keep growing, no matter what. He will work hard and learn not only to crawl, but to stand and walk and run.

He is weak, but he will become stronger, and that's what matters.

_3 months later._

"Sir, you're so cool!" shouts a child from behind him as he throws an akuma across a square. "I wanna be just like you!"

"Kid, you ain't seen nothing yet!" he laughs.

_(My journey has just begun, Anita-sama, everyone.)_

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A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed!

Writing Chaoji... I had to go back and read those chapters again, to get a better sense of him, since I forgot exactly what happened. Heh. But it was tons of fun! Hope you like.

Next chapter... I haven't decided yet. It will probably be either Kanda or Miranda, although you'll see both eventually.


	3. Iron Hammer

AN: Haha! So I lied, because I'm having major writer's block for Kanda, and I already had Lavi all done, so I decided to upload this first.

Inspired by the fact that I can't recall ever seeing Lavi's Innocence evolve. It's rather short, but Kanda's will be extra long to make up for it! Enjoy!

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_III. Help me to do my job._

He does not evolve.

Through missions and years, his strength is only dictated by the results of his physical training. His Innocence is stagnant, his synchronizing levels never change- they do not rise, nor do they fall. The other Exorcists don't really pay attention, but the Finders and Science division notice, and they whisper about how his results are so consistent. They discuss how his Innocence doesn't evolve, as it should, with the amount of fighting and training he does. They run test after test for malfunctions in his hammer.

They conclude that it either just doesn't react to him, or his resolve to be stronger is lacking.

However, while his Innocence seems to not respond to his will, in reality, it always has.

He has told it to stay the same.

And when Lenalee's Dark Boots evolve, he asks it not to become a Crystal type.

He can't let it evolve to something so binding. He is the Bookman's apprentice, and will be the Bookman one day, so he cannot afford to become a Crystal type. The resolve needed is something he's not allowed to have, because he must be impartial. He must be detached, he must be an observer, only ever interfering with history if his records require it. He cannot be a history maker.

So he tells his Innocence to stay where it's at, to stay away from his heart and to keep it's distance.

It obeys, and never evolves.


	4. Mugen

_IV. Help me to live._

Kanda is alive.

Kanda is alive, but he should be dead many times over. He shouldn't have been born at all. (Or was it reborn? Somehow he can't bring himself to care.)

Kanda should be dead. But he's alive, and he's got nothing to live for, except duty. He and Mugen slaughter Akuma, as he's told, because that's the reason he's been brought back to life. (There was a time when he wasn't like that, but he shuts the memory away, letting lotus blossoms cloud his sight.)

Duty. It comes first. It is his only focus, his only priority. It is the reason for his existence.

But then the Noah bring back Alma and he doesn't know what to feel. (Feel? He shouldn't feel, he's supposed to be colddeadcold. Duty, he reminds himself. Duty.)

Duty. He unsheathes Mugen, and holds it ready. Alma is an Akuma now, and it is his duty to destroy him.

"You're pretty cool now, Yuu!" Alma says, his crazed eyes wide. "What's it feel like to be the only one to survive?" He doesn't answer, but attacks, and Alma coughs blood. (_It's cold and lonely and I missed you so much, did you know? And it was never your fault, Alma, never, and I wish it hadn't been like this and-_)

He says nothing to Alma, for fear he will choke. Those memories he locked away have been brought back by the Noah, and he can remember so easily and Alma's _alive_. A tsunami of feeling comes crashing down on him, and it's all guilt and sorrow and regret and things he wasn't able to say and the one person he couldn't save. He feels like he's drowning, and now he must face Alma – comrade, friend, brother – all over again. (Death is lighter than a feather; duty, heavier than a mountain.)

He has never hated duty like this ever before. And he wonders how he was able to kill Alma the first time around, because it certainly wasn't for duty.

It's only when he is impaled by Alma's spears do the lotus flowers clear and he remembers exactly why he delivered that final parting slash to his once-best friend. (_I want to find her. I want to love. I want to live._)

He wants to live. He wants to live _so badly_. He doesn't know what for yet, but that means he can't die here. He killed Alma once so he could live, and he'll do it a second time for the same reason. Not for duty, never for duty.

"Disappear, Alma!"

(_I choose to live._)

And he loses himself to the red, bloody rage pumping through his veins and the black lightning of Mugen.

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When it's all over, and what's left of Alma's body is buried deep, Kanda leans against a cracked stone pillar and ponders what to do with his life. There's duty (but he abandoned that already), there's searching for that girl (which isn't really an option since she was Alma), there's a normal life waiting (how boring…), but there's also unfinished business with the Order, and with Allen.

He remembers stabbing the white-haired boy, he remembers the Noah's awakening. Even though it was his fault, Allen had given him and Alma a way out, and an escape from the organization that had controlled their lives.

He owes Allen Walker a debt, he knows. One that Allen wouldn't have asked to be paid, but a debt, nonetheless. The problem is that he isn't sure how he can repay the boy. He struggles with his indecision for two weeks before choosing to return to the Order. Allen is one messed up kid, and the least he can do is offer his support as a fighter and Exorcist. It's a difficult decision for him to make because he's been bound to the Order for more than a lifetime; to give up his freedom is agonizing. But this time, he's not doing it for duty, and that means the world to him.

When he arrives at the Asia Branch, he meets Lenalee and Marie with a dirty face, a smile, and a snarky reply. He goes to Zu and takes Mugen, and when the Innocence melts, he brushes Lenalee aside and drinks it without hestitation. And he knows in that moment that the reason _why_ is so much more than just a debt to be paid.

(This is my resolve; I'm not going to live for myself, nor for duty. I have tossed my duty aside- this is me, Kanda Yuu, and I have chosen to become an Exorcist because Allen and Lenalee and Lavi are my nakama, and I _refuse_ to abandon them. This time, I'm going to live and love and laugh with them. This time, I will protect them and fight for them and live for them.)

And so he does, and Mugen is reforged with his blood.

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AN: Aah! My Kanda chapter is finally finished! Extra long (for me, anyways) to make up for super short Lavi chapter!

Thanks to my sister for being my beta. Also credit to Robert Jordan for the quote (Death is lighter than a feather, duty, heavier than a mountain.)


	5. Time Record

_V. Help me to help them._

It isn't about _useless_. Not anymore, because now she has strength, however little it may be, and now she has potential, even if she has no idea exactly what she can do. It's not about helplessness anymore, because she can make a difference now. It's not much, she thinks, but she can buy her allies precious time- split seconds to make attacks successful, minutes of injuries held at bay, hours to get medics to the wounded and save lives, days of transportation in times of desperate need. Her abilities are useful, so it's not about uselessness.

But if it isn't, why doesn't the knot in her stomach go away? (She finds that she just can't relax completely, not even when she sleeps, not even when she's happy, not even when she's with her friends, and she realizes she has carried this since the first day she activated her Innocence.)

Isn't this enough? Being useful like this, helping where she can, slowing time and saving lives- it should be enough. Still the knot doesn't fade, and somewhere in her heart, some small shard tells her it's not. _It's not enough_.

(She thinks about it for months. Searches for the reason why. And she watches the other Exorcists and their Innocence and how they evolve, and as the knot loosens, the knowledge dawns upon her like the crack of light against the horizon at daybreak.)

It's not enough because isn't her goal isn't just to be an Exorcist and a comrade- it was to be the best she could ever be. Her dream was to give her support to the people who have saved her, to keep giving more until she reached her limit (and then she would break them, because this isn't about _useless_, this is about _potential_). She remembers that resolve, that silent promise to herself as she left her hometown. And it's not enough to be just useful because she isn't evolving. Not like the others are- like Lenalee with her beautiful, ever changing boots, like Allen with his parasitic arm and all the forms it could take. Not like how she can practically feel Kanda's strength increase with every battle, so much that her own Time Record almost begins to spin in reaction every time he passes.

So the question has become, "Why doesn't Time Record evolve?" She's pushing past her physical limits with every battle, harder and harder and yet nothing happens.

(She will know the explanation after she realizes three things.)

She knows can feel her comrades' power and knows almost exactly what each of their synchro rates are. She can feel Kanda- about 98% synchro rate- and Allen- 103%- always pushing higher, like a second hand ticking away, never stopping. Lavi's at about 90%, but never changes. When Lenalee gains Crystal Type, she can feel it like an hour hand clanging to the next number as if time had simply skipped forward, jumping from 10% to 94%. When she meets the generals, she is awed- all of them are over 150%, and Cross is somewhere around 200%. Her first encounter with a Noah tells her of their monstrous strength and she is so afraid- she can't even give a number in her sheer terror. She discovers, to her surprise that she's the only one that can feel like this.

_(That is the first realization.)_

When she chats with Hevlaska, the Innocence Keeper tells her it's a natural born skill, an undiscovered genius; the ability to gauge a person's fighting power the moment she meets them. Out of curiosity, she thinks of her own strength and realizes that she is slowly improving. The long journey to Edo had been _very_ good for her stamina with Time Recovery, and Time Out has gradually been getting easier. She hasn't been slacking with her training either. She's improving, but not evolving.

_(This is the second.)_

She expresses her concern over Time Record's evolution one day to Krory, when they are following Winters Socalo, who overhears and tells her not to worry so much.

"You can't exactly force evolution of Innocence- death fights are what usually trigger it, but a lot of times, even those don't cut it. And ya ain't a front-line fighter anyways, not with the kind of pansy power you got, so just work on improving and figure out how to actually kill akuma with that Innocence of yours. Don't worry about evolving. That'll happen when it happens. And don't compare yourself to those gaki- Kanda, Walker and Lee are may be too soft, but among you rookies, they're monsters when it comes to synchro rates."

Both Miranda and Krory are shocked to hear advice from the harsh man, who always calls them weak and kills without a flinch. But to Miranda, it is some of the best advice she has heard in a long while. She sighs and smiles and then gathers up her nerve and asks Krory to teach her how to punch.

It isn't much, but by the time Krory and Socalo (who decided Krory was being too easy on her and took it upon himself to teach her how to battle properly) are through with her, she feels like a different person. More confident now, and stronger. She's still very weak in comparison to the generals and the Noah, but she doesn't aspire reach their level- not yet, anyways, because she's taking this one step at a time. But she continues to improve, slowly but surely. It's an every day thing now- the steady increase of strength and skill is completely different from her friends' jumps in power after every near-death experience. Her Innocence, as far as she can tell, is distinct in that it will keep improving, but never evolve. And maybe it's better this way, because she never has to look for the next battle to grow stronger- all she has to do is practice hard and stay alive and her synchro rate will keep crawling up. _Time_, not battle, nor death, nor resolve, is what makes her stronger.

_(That is the third thing she now knows.)_

And this is what she doesn't know but will eventually learn: her Time Record does not evolve because it _does not have to_. Other Innocence have chosen to test their accommodators, or are simply not close enough to their users, and are left in a form far from their final. Time Record has been listening closely to her heart the day she touched that clock. And she has been breathing in sync with it ever since it became her reason to be useful- her reason to dream and hope and fight. The two of them are living day by day together. They _know_ each other, inside and out.

And so Time Record knows that she has decided to give only her best efforts to her comrades.

(And it has made her best is limitless.)

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AN: O.o Over 1000 words. It's longer than Kanda's, yay! I finally got past my inspiration block and updated, so I'm really happy right now.

Okaaay then, who shall I do next? I have skeleton ideas for Daisya, Suman & Cross, and maybe Krory... hmm. Decisions, decisions.


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